University

When to teach kids about money?

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Tuesday 24 October 2023

Invest, save or spend? Cash or crypto? Stick to the budget.. or ‘live for the moment’? In a cost of living crisis, managing money has never seemed more bewildering. But what to teach our kids…and when?

That’s what I’m challenged to think about in the ‘Money Matters’ talk at the Ilkley Literature Festival this weekend. The engaging speakers, from the Bank of England and the Financial Times, know their stuff and breathe life into what could have been a very dry hour.

Both are passionate about having financial education on the school curricula, which I am happy to report is already in place, usually delivered during personal development lessons. And there are some terrific projects out there; at my place of work, these have been so popular that annual feedback from pupils consistently asks for more input in this area.

The growth of creative ideas to interest pupils in thinking about economics is most welcome. Rishi Sunak may think that school is the place enable teenagers to “feel confident” with …. things like mortgage deals. More experienced educators however, who in previous years were tasked with dragging a room of 14 year-olds through a grim hour of ‘fixed rate’ or ‘interest only’ deals for first time buyers, would argue that this suggestion misses the most valuable of marks. If you want school children to listen… make it relevant!

And the financial gurus in Ilkey chime fervently with this. Of course, teach about saving and borrowing; with money in short supply, the temptation to ‘buy now and pay later’ is a real danger for young people. But (and it is a big BUT) do it in relation to something that pupils are interested in. As an example, the experts addressing the Ilkey gathering, tell us that, for one teacher in Wales this was Hair Extensions; Nicola Buter’s innovate lesson, addressing the complex world of finance, loans and interest, winning her the Interactive Investor Personal Finance Teacher of the Year Award.

Nicola Butler: winner of Interactive Investor Personal Finance Teacher of the Year Award 2021

A quick google search also yields a wealth of advice on financial first steps for toddlers and teenagers. Of course Martin Lewis is there. As early as 2007, his Teen Cash Class, promoted the use of key mantras when working with young people to break the ‘impulse buying cycle’. To be honest it is useful for anyone! When contemplating a spur of the moment buy, ask yourself,

Do I need it?

Can I afford it?

Can I get it cheaper somewhere else

The conclusion to this chapter is particularly thought-provoking and I’ll certainly be both internalising it … as well as sharing it with my offspring,

‘If I were able to give you back all the money you’ve ever spent buying things on impulse,
would you take the cash and hand over the stuff?’

Of course we would!

With most spending now migrating online, Lewis’ site also promotes the free guide from Internet Matters, Online money management tips to support young people.

There is guidance for younger children too, for whom finance usually means small amounts of pocket money. Barclays Bank, as one example among many, have designed a nice set of pocket money activities called ‘How to teach your child about money’

So engaging, fun and time-relevant for our children? Is that problem solved? Alas no, there is a snag! At some point, many will have to grapple with mortages, debts, pensions and bills. Some may be in a position to think of investments too. So when do we teach them about this? And, being honest, how many of us would actually feel equipped to do so?

For me, adult education is no different to that of school children; it needs to be relevant. Otherwise, finance can simply be a huge bore. So any advice is best received when it is needed. Hence, in many situations, that means after leaving school. So who do adults turn to?

‘Martin Lewis‘ I hear you cry, and, absolutely – the man is amazing! We could also read books and try to wade through the financial newspapers. However, can we do better than this? Many of these topics are complex and would benefit from a more interactive delivery and discussion. So here’s my question. On this most grown-up of issues, could and should FE/HE providers and employers make that contribution to our financial education?

Can companies deliver impartial training on pensions for all new employees? Should potential first time buyers be mandated to complete a free course, designed by the lenders, on managing a mortgage, looking at tips such as ‘over-payment’ to reduce the debt? How much guidance can we expect from universities about living on a student loan? How about challenging the DWP to design lessons on ‘surviving on benefits‘ or ‘escaping the poverty trap‘? And as for crypto …!

Questions questions questions! I set out in this this post to explore when to tell our kids about money matters. Isn’t the truth that in an ever-changing world, our leaders also need to think about what and when to tell all of us about this most important of areas?

Improved financial literacy cannot all be addressed with a couple more years of mathematics on the school curriculum. Additionally, some guidance would be more engaging to people now at a stage in life when the information is pertinent. Surely some well thought out work-based education be the best place for input? It could reduce financial stress, contribute to a more prosperous society … hey, we could even educate our children better. Wouldn’t that be a win for everyone?

Orange wine?

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Saturday 21 October 2023

Red, white rose or …orange?

Step outside your usual comfort zone and who knows what you will discover? For me, over the last few days it was French composers, the evolution of dolphins from land-living mammals and … the titular orange wine!

My voyage of discovery begins on Thursday with a French soiree of chamber music, cheese and (very red) wine! Music, alcohol plus a generous helping of brie and camembert… quite frankly what’s not to love? And it is a terrific evening. Have I hit the jackpot with a companion who is ‘happy to drive’? It certainly is a treat to indulge in a second interval-glass of Bordeaux! Even so, the icings on this particular ‘gateau’ are the short and well-crafted talks we get about each piece of music. I learn about neo-classicism, le prix de Rome and the fact that, even in the 20th Century, some female composers still chose to write with male pen names. One such was Louise-Marie Simon (30 November 1903 – 7 March 1990), published as Claude Arrieu,

Employing a common response to the pervasive sexism that has hobbled women’s careers across
time, Louise Marie Simon adopted a pseudonym: Claude Arrieu. Although she did not hide her
use of this pen name, it smoothed the path for publication of her music and facilitated
professional advancement.

Printed in programme notes for Kansas Symphony Orchestra 2021

Rediscovering how much I enjoy gaining new knowledge bodes well, as half-term dawns and I drive over to Yorkshire to catch up with family and also to attend the Ilkley Literature Festival. This epic event is celebrating its 50th anniversary and features talks by many famous names from the world of writing, broadcasting and research. It also has a perfect setting. Ilkley is a bustling spa town crowned as the ‘best place to live in the UK’ by the Sunday Times in 2022, and I can vouch that the plethora of bars and eateries is an absolute delight.

So we mix talks with plenty of food and beer. As we emerge from the final presentation, about the physics of the deep ocean, my mind is scrambled with Humboldt currents, the politics of guano (bird poo) and the revelation (for me at any rate) that some sea-based creatures evolved from land-based hoofed mammals, and we decide that a final glass of wine is in order.

And that’s when it happens. I am asked if I want,

“Red, white, rose or …orange wine?“

Orange wine… orange? Maybe I’m just late to this vino-party, but who knew? I ask what it is and learn that it is white wine made with ‘skin contact‘.

“As in orange skin?”

chirps in one of my beer-ed up companions. The patient sommelier smiles as he tells us

“No, the skin of the grape!“

Only I am bold enough to try it and I like it … though if blindfolded, in a taste test, am not sure I’d be able to distinguish it from a regular white. Maybe I should try a few more and The Olive Magazine, is on hand to guide the fledgling orange wine supper!

All in all, a fantastic few days. Good food and drink, great company and the chance to learn (and taste) new things … my idea of perfect!

First steps …

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Saturday 14 October 2023

First steps; often so exciting. When a toddler starts to move, maybe tottering unsteadily across the room it is a moment! Cameras are out, grandparents are called and social media posts launched to mark the milestone. We are super proud that our child has found the courage to ‘take -off’ and, moreover, we also know that this one tentative toddle signals the start of great opportunity. Suddenly, independence, adventure and a world of possibility beckons. (Before I get too carried away, newer parents take note, it is now also the moment to lock away anything breakable… at least for the next 15 years!)

But first steps can also be the most difficult. Roll the clock forward into the teen years and adult-hood and life is still throwing down the gauntlet of new challenges and unexpected curveballs and, whilst I cannot remember how it felt to take my first steps as a toddler, I can affirm that, as a grown-up, this often feels a bit overwhelming.

For inspiration, I often recall one treasured survivor on my children’s bookshelves; the genius of Michael Rosen’s Bear Hunt! Of course our journey through the world will bring us to our own version of snowstorms, rivers and swamps and situations that we were not expecting and, yes, we may feel ‘scared’ but there is usually only one way out of the problem.

“Oh no we’ve got to go through it!”

And ‘going through it’ means getting started!

So this week in our house, I resolve to engage with the arthritis exercises sent to me by the GP three weeks ago. Previously I’d cast them aside, refusing to accept that I was old and arthritic and hoping the pain and stiffness might just magically disappear. When it didn’t, I gave the sheet a cursory glance but sneered at the notion of a ‘few leg raises’ replacing the fitness I’d enjoyed with a weekly 10K run. Then, by chance, in an episode of ‘Strictly come Dancing’, one of the celebrities, who is many years younger than me, revealed that he suffers from arthritis and it inspired me to ‘get a grip’ and root out my doctor’s advice. When I finally read the instructions properly and challenge myself to step up and down 2 staircase-steps at a time

‘until you can do no more… then repeat 4 times’

I have to concede that this seemingly innocuous set of exercises is actually a blinking strenuous workout. My ‘first step‘ of trying one activity quickly turns into a full 40 minutes of movement and stretches. I’m sweating and breathless by the end and …it feels fantastic!

In a different corner of the house, Small Boy, is struggling to get started with his UCAS form, because this means having to make decisions about Universities which he has been grappling with all Summer. Where does he actually want to go, where does the poor lad think I or his dad want him to go…where does college think he should go? It is as murky a swamp as he’s faced for quite some time. But… we’ve got to go through it…

So we take a first step. I set him the task of completing the simple parts of the form: name, address, high school, hobbies etc. Once started, however, he polish off and attaches a personal statement. Then, buoyed with success, confidently clicks into the Universities section to face the dreaded shortlist of five. As I write, he’s added 4, because, as we wrote down ‘all the options’ together, it transpires that there were actually only six . He emails a college tutor about deciding between the final 2 and his relief is tangible – it is finally done!

Well, that was this week. I am sure that next will throw up some more challenges and worries. Let’s just hope that we can stick together and keep taking that first step every time a new lake, snowstorm or swamp appears…

I was looking for a job…

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Saturday 22 April 2022

” … and then (they) found a job”

Heavens knows I’m Miserable now: The Smiths

As we move into the second half of April, two of my offspring find themselves on the payroll…

In the Scottish capital, Prom-dress daughter secures a job in a trendy cocktail bar and closer to home, in the pretty village up the road from our house, Small Boy is taken on at a local coffee shop. They are both very excited, well for my daughter, struggling to stretch a student loan to cover living costs, there is also a lot of relief.

Is it wrong, however, that I feel a little concerned?

Of course, I understand the attraction of some extra funds for a teenager and I also accept that I have never experienced the financial challenges and worries that today’s University students face. Nonetheless, I also know that one route to real financial choice and security comes from a decent set of qualifications and my question is this; can you have both? Can you get the best grades if your time is divided between work and study?

I’m not the only one to wonder. Oxbridge continue to actively discourage term-time work. But, in a landscape of spiralling costs, many students find that they simply have no choice because loans frequently fail to even cover the basic rent. Sir Peter Lampl, founder and chairman of the Sutton Trust, highlights the additional pressures on students from less affluent backgrounds,

“For many, wages from part-time work are the only way they can make ends meet …. It’s tough and it’s often the students’ academic work that loses out.”

Others point out that it is not only studying time, but also social time that is squeezed by the addition of a job into the student schedule, which can lead to isolation and stress. One student, in the Guardian Article, ‘How much part-time work should I take on while studying?‘ reported “getting really run-down and ill” and being “always envious of friends who could just concentrate on their studies”

Well ‘heaven’s knows I’m miserable now‘, that all sounds rather grim, so what of the benefits? Clearly there’s the cash, but does part-time job have any other advantages?

Reassuringly UCAS, in the article ‘Balancing work and study’ point our several plus points,

“As long as it doesn’t take up too much study time, finding a part-time job is a great way to gain more money, less debt, and new skills for your CV“

The cite a range of generic employability skills such as: communication, team work and time management. And, dependant on the nature or the role, point out that students can also learn various technical skills and that ‘above all, employers will want you to display the same skills in fresh thinking and systematic working that make you a success academically‘ . This positive view of part-time employment is echoed by several other Universities too, as well as, less surprisingly, most employment agencies.

The key seems to be the balance and two pieces of sage advice ring in my ears as I read through the various pieces of guidance in this area. The first is the recommendation from most course providers that part-time work, during term time, is kept to a maximum of 15 – 20 hours per week. The second is not to lose sight of why you are studying in the first place and to be prepared to lose the shifts if your grades or health start to suffer.

“Remember that you’re paying to be at uni and get a degree, so don’t waste that by running yourself into the ground”

Sound and sensible words indeed. I’ll keep it in mind as we enter the new world of the teenage workers …

Middlesbrough

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Saturday 1 October2022

When your children spread their wings and head off to live and study in other towns and cities, one very nice outcome for you as a parent is the chance to travel to and explore these new places too…

My Eldest is on placement in Middlesborough this year. Whilst she will admit to missing the bright lights of Newcastle, one upside is that she is a good hour closer the me than usual, so it is very easy to pop over for a day visit. And that is exactly what I do this weekend.

“What shall we do first?” asks my girl, as I rap on the door of her student house around midday.

“Food please!” I reply, hungry after my drive to this corner of North Yorkshire.

A short 5-minute stroll takes us to a great cafe where it is the famous local delicacy ‘parmo’ for my daughter and a truly delicious three-bean chilli for me. So good is the food that I am tempted to try the pudding menu. But my eldest is full and I ruefully remember, my (pretty ambitious) quest to get back into a dress I last wore in the previous millennium(!) for my niece’s wedding so I too forgo a further course.

Instead, we wander into the town centre and waste a happy half hour shopping small luxuries that are beyond a student budget but well within ‘mum-treating’ range.

It is briefly back to the student house to drop our purchases before we hop into the car to explore a ‘pretty beach‘ my Eldest has passed on her weekly GP visits.

And so it is that I discover Saltburn; what a little gem! We park the car in front of an elegant terrace of Victorian grandeur and descend to the cove beneath. Marked out by the imposing Hunt Cliff, the beach may well have been a centre for smugglers in a bygone era, but today is the perfect spot for a bracing walk along the windswept sands. Despite it being the first day of October, hardy children are playing in the streams and paddling in the sea, you could probably surf on a slightly warmer day. We traverse the sands and rocks and then reward ourselves with a drink in a bar overlooking the sea.

Thereafter it is back up the very steep hill to the car and as we stop to catch our breath, we spot the far better way to make this ascent; the Saltburn Cliff Tramway. This small tram-car, was first opened in 1884 to replace a vertical hoist and is now the oldest water balanced funicular still in operation in Great Britain. It is a must for our next visit!

As the Autumn sun begins to fade, we return to the student house and, after a fine cup of tea, I it is time for me to head home. What a lovely way to spend a Saturday …

There’s a hot tub in my garden…

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Saturday 23 April 20222

Golly gosh; can my two girls shop!

As the Easter holidays draw to a close, I hardly recognise my own home! Cheered on, at times propelled on, by my daughterly duo of retail fanatics, not only does my conservatory proudly boast a new furniture but our aged plastic garden chairs have also been binned in favour of ‘zero-gravity‘ recliners.

Have I taken leave of my senses? Well I just might have done exactly that, because the shopping frenzy all began….with a hot tub!!

Gosh the hot tub! Now that is a long story which at some point demands a post of its own but for now can go down as a fanciful notion floated after some bargain deals bounced into the inbox. And now here it is, at least until my energy price fix runs out in Summer 2023, our very own outdoor spa!

It is certainly an extravagance on its own, yet, scarcely has the froth subsided on our first dip in the bubbles, when purchase number 2 is in the boot of the car. I innocently agree to potter into town with my Eldest, to pop into Boots for a new moisturiser when my girl steers me into a store promising ‘unbeatable bargains‘ on garden furniture. Before I know it, I find myself trundling to the till with four new ‘zero-gravity‘ recliners in my trolley!

“Mum, you have been looking for new outdoor furniture for years!”,

my Eldest smiles reassuringly, as I appear a little flustered. This is true, but I had anticipated at least another half decade of looking and wondering and weighing-up before I actually made any daring dash to the cash-till. In addition, I am not at all sure what ‘zero gravity‘ chairs even are! But, as we try them all out upon our return home, they are very comfortable. And apparently, my offspring tell me, together with the hot tub really ‘freshen up the garden experience!‘

I know what you’re thinking, by now I had surely learned my lesson! But no, as Prom-dress daughter arrives home to swell the youthful and carefree ranks of the household, I am persuaded to head out to Ikea to replace a few broken glasses and try out the new ‘plant balls’. Five minutes! We are there for only five minutes, before we are are snuggling on a new sofa and admiring the display of accompanying rug and table!

“You’ve been looking for ages, Mum”

“Don’t you just love it – so comfy!”

“The poor conservatory has been completely bare for 18 months now!”

They do actually allow me to stop and consider this one, over (delicious) plant balls, mash and gravy. Possibly, I am distracted by the delights of my redcurrant jelly but equally the fact that they are correct and that my lovely, sunny, garden room has been an empty shell, for a very long time, does also register and I decide to go for it, rug, coffee table and all!

At the warehouse, things are slightly complicated. We discover that, despite endless permutations of collapsed seats and car-boot boxes plus much hilarity as the three of us career around the carpark with the weighty beast, the sofa is never going to be squashed into my car. In now rueful resignation, I wave my credit card at the cashier and fork out for home delivery!

So the time honoured clash of their youthful exuberance and that dash of ‘carpe diem’ with my single-mum (crippling) caution. There is a clear victor on this occasion. I’ll admit however that, for once, I am glad to have been defeated. Left to my own devices I would doubtless have a few more £100s in the bank, awaiting the proverbial ‘rainy day’, but the conservatory would still be an empty room and the tired old plastic chairs not up to the task of tempting anyone to sit in the garden this holiday. Whereas, we now live in the conservatory and the new garden equipment has also been fun. It has made the Easter holidays seem pretty idyllic and contributed to me falling a little bit in love with my own home again.

Nonetheless, the bank manager and I do heave an audible sigh of relief as my two shopaholic students set off back to uni-land …

Edinburgh…

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Tuesday 12 April 2022

“Whisky with your porridge Madam?“

It may be 9am, but I am on holiday, so “Och aye the noo – don’t mind if I do!”

Could I be in Scotland? I certainly could and after a fantastic few days in the capital city I can only conclude that having offspring studying at far-distant corners of the UK certainly has its advantages when it comes to planning a weekend away …

Edinburgh; the perfect venue for a short city break. The 4 hour-drive on a chilly Saturday morning, is quiet and clear. Upon arrival, we find Prom-dress daughter and grab a quick lunch before .. and here is the genius move parents … we wave farewell to Small boy and his sister, who joyfully head off to explore student life without their mum in tow. Meanwhile, my friend and I check into a nearby B&B and from there step out to indulge in a couple of days of teen-free time and … it is glorious!

Edinburgh is a city of two halves, the Old and New Towns. We dive into the Old Town and, in the short time we have, never really make it out again! (I suppose there is always ‘next time’ for the Georgian splendour of Princes Street and the Waverley Gardens). We wander the famous Royal Mile, with its cobbles, colour and many wonderfully named adjoining streets; Fleshmarket Close, Candlemaker’s Row, Cowgate, and Circus Lane. In St Giles’s Cathedral, we find the choir mid-rehearsal and pause to marvel as the beautiful voices and organ chords float through the gothic columns.

We join the ‘Dark Side‘ tour to walk the streets as night falls and learn more. The two hour experiences takes us as far as Arthur’s Seat and through several graveyards and dusky alleys as we are regaled with tales of poor Mary King, treacherous Burke and Hare and tales of witchcraft and fairie folklore.

It makes quite an impression and inspires us, the following day, to delve further into some of the objects and stories at the excellent Surgeon’s Hall Museum and the Edinburgh Museum. And all of this walking and sightseeing is mighty thirsty and tiring work, so we are also delighted to to find plentiful refreshment stops and use these to sample the local food and beer. My ‘vegan-haggis’ pannini is not an experience I’ll ever repeat but, as the wise sages say, ‘nothing ventured…’

On our final evening we do reunite with my two younger children at a trendy eatery is the Grassmarket area. They have also had a great time and as I still have … well half the city to explore … I raise my final whisky cocktail to , ‘the next time…’

Reading week…

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Sunday 14 November 2021

The university term reaches a ‘reading week’ for my Eldest and she finds time to pop home for a few days. What an unexpected treat …

Reading week, whose purpose universities inform us is “time to catch up on reading, do more in-depth reading, or prepare for coursework ” but often, according to, Eleanor Doughty writing in The Independent is “nothing but a poorly disguised trip home for a visit to Mum’s tumble drier…” was off the agenda in Autumn 2020. Fears over the rapid spread covid-19 cases a year ago lead to higher education institutions urging students to stay on campus throughout the term. Whereupon, as all ‘teaching and learning’ was online and ‘in your student room’ anyway, there was little to distinguish it from the normal working week.

Whatever its purpose, I am delighted to see the brief pause in lectures and seminars return and to have a couple of days with my lovely girl. We launch the weekend with the return of ‘Friday takeaway’, movie and wine. The following morning, after prepping her brother for his Chemistry mock exam next week, lunching with a friend and going shopping with her nana, my daughter announces that:

“We should do something on Saturday night!”

And so that is exactly what we do. My son already has plans with ‘the boys’ and so ‘we girls’ do cocktails, do food and do lots of chat. I drink far too much and find myself, I think for the first time I can recall, very publicly, ever-so slightly squiffy … on a night out with one of my children!!

I may have a banging headache on Sunday morning and I may resolve that I am never ordering a Negroni again…but it was very much worth it. As I wave my Eldest off on the train back to University land, I hope that she has had a bit if a break from the stresses and strains of term time because a weekend not spent cleaning, ironing, shopping and worrying about work has without doubt been a fantastic break for her mum! Do you know what… I might even forget the lesson plans this afternoon, open up my kindle and treat myself to a bit of reading too!

Autumn Half Term 2021

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It may be work on Monday, but that is still two days away which make it the perfect time to look back on a great half term, visiting ‘the students’ ….

Monday sees us powering up the A1 to return my Eldest to Uni, after she descended upon Manchester for a gig at the weekend. Small boy and I stay over, tucked into a B &B in the heart of student land and allow my daughter to ‘show us the sites’. We stroll around the Dene, with its waterfall and mill, we wander the University campus, seeking out the ‘Old Library’ where, nearly 2 years ago we came for ‘the interview’ and … over curry and wine, we meet the boyfriend (which, I think goes very well!)

Tuesday, after a post-lecture lunch with our lovely girl, we hit the road once more; destination Edinburgh and Prom-dress Daughter…

Gosh it is wet and wild in the Scottish capital and parking… just a night mare! I have a £60 PCN on my windscreen within 15 minutes of arrival. But all of that just evaporates away as a familiar smiling face bounces into our city centre hotel room and whisks us out for food … and cocktails. The next day, my two younger teens spend happy hours together perusing local bookshops. All three of us ‘nearly’ see the Art Gallery… come to think of it, I ‘nearly saw’ it about 15 years ago too, on an Edinburgh weekend with a best friend. On that occasion we got side tracked by the bar; this time it is the more wholesome excuse of covid- secure tickets selling out!

‘Never mind,…’ I cry recalling my previous visit, ‘…even if we can’t do the Gallery itself, the gift shop is great!’

And, to offspring who love to hear those retail tills ringing, the gift shop does indeed prove a hit; and maybe it is this very moment that catalyses a spell of clothes shopping too! Small boy perfects his ‘oversized clothes’ look with a pair of very (very) large jeans and Prom-dress Daughter, who has managed to shrink most of her clothes in the student launderette, gratefully seizes an opportunity to boost her wardrobe.

All too soon it is Thursday and Small boy and I must bid farewell to yet another family member and turn the car towards England once more. I detour via the Lake District, where my son is meeting up with his Dad for a few days, and by now, as heavy rain, foretold in ‘amber warning’ forecasts, viciously sweep across the North of the UK it proves quite a trip for us all. My Ex -hub is delayed by vehicle fires in one direction and we have to navigate several road floods in the other. Eventually, several hours behind schedule, Small boy is handed over … at a truck stop and I head home!

And the fun is not over for me either, for I am not the only parent with offspring in Higher Education. One of my very best friends now has a child at a Northern University, which gives us the perfect opportunity to meet up too – hooray! She comes to stay with me for a couple of days.We drink plenty of wine, she catches -up with her lovely family and as the younger generation leave for their own parties and social events, we head into Media City for a bit of culture at the Van Gogh alive exhibition and… wow!! I can, and will, post pictures but to appreciate this incredible show, you need to go in person. I can best describe it as a ‘concert of art‘; as we are enveloped in a vibrant,visual exploration of Van Gogh’s art and life with a gorgeous, rich musical soundtrack to stir the emotions and give the experience a magical and immersive quality. We watch wide eyed and open mouthed and just love it!

But as Saturday dawns, my friend too must drive homeward. Small boy returns and we collect Boris the Gecko from his boarding quarters at the local pet shop. I decide that I like half terms … a lot! Work will start again on Monday but for now.. I am already dreaming of my next school holiday …

“We holiday not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.”

And then there were two…

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Sunday 19 September 2021

There is another empty room now at our house, as Prom Dress Daughter heads to University in Edinburgh.

We actually drove her there a week ago and it was quite a drive. My Eldest hopped in at Newcastle to lend sisterly support. We all stayed over at a hotel in the Scottish capital. And, after helping to unpack, do a food shop, try to fathom the wifi, and hug out an emotional goodbye, we paused to deliver my first born back to the North East (navigating around the Great North Run) before setting the satnav for home. My son and I finally pulled back onto the drive at 7pm; a full 34 hours after leaving.

So, I hear you wonder,

‘How does it feel?’ 

How does it feel to be just two… or three if you count our gecko? How does it feel to look at half emptied wardrobes and shelves with missing ornaments? How does it feel to wonder how our girl is coping: in a new flat, in a new city, in a whole new learning environment? Well I have to confess that for the first few days we are too exhausted and drained to feel anything. The new week cruelly dawns, after very little sleep or rest, and is a punishing game of catch-up: supermarket sweeps, frantic washing and ironing, and late night work prep. Then comes fraught back-to-back vets trips, as poor Boris continues to struggle and my days last from 6am to 8pm, before we can even think about food or … sitting down.

But eventually the weekend arrives. Saturday is a back breaking assault upon a house that looks as if a bomb has hit it. And Sunday … well Sunday is the day when I briefly allow everything to hit me. I am shuffling despondently around the supermarket with only half my trolley full, thinking ‘What on earth do I even buy?‘ and ‘How do you shop for only two?’ when a wave of sadness hits me and the tears begin to fall. I am tired, I am stressed and…I miss my girls, I miss the old certainties of family life

What a forlorn site I must look. Other shoppers avoid eye contact and push their trolleys past, with grim tunnel vision and all the speed those wobbly wheels will muster. Do I feel isolated? Unimportant? Uncared for? Possibly; it is certainly a moment when I wish I had a partner to turn to; someone to understand, to hear me, to pour a glass of wine. But I don’t. I am a single parent and I need to get it together. I have the magnificent Small Boy in the house, who doesn’t need a miserable mum moping about the place, rather deserves me to listen and prioritise his worries, concerns and plans for the weeks ahead. I take a deep breath, wipe my face on my sleeve, pull my mask a little higher and head to the checkout

Back home, however,it is that same Small Boy who comes bundling out of the front door, brushing aside my request for ‘help with the shopping‘ and instead waving a phone under my nose. I quickly see why… it’s a WhatApp group call with two very familiar faces beaming from the screen.

“Hi Mum – how are you?“

Isolated? Unimportant? Uncared for…. maybe not after all; maybe just needing time to adapt to change? I just think it will take me quite a while to get used to my new normal ….