Resolutions update…

22 January 2024

As we approach the final week of January, I pause to think about how my resolutions are going…

Let’s recap my quartet of intentions:

Saving money: aiming for £400 per month

January brings the annual tax bill when I have to pay back most of my Child Benefit in one of the UK’s harshest penalties against those is us not living in happy coupledom. (Even the Tory Chancellor, as recently reported in many media, recognises the unfairness ”There is a very big distortion in the marginal rate of tax that people earn and I fully accept there is an unfairness with what happens with dual income families” ). Fortuitously though, as I log in to pay my dues this year, I am pleasantly surprised to find a tax refund sitting on my account.

Scarcely has the good fortune sunk in however, before two unexpected costs hit the family budget.

Small boy, hurtling rapidly towards his 18th birthday, suddenly realises that, to make the most of his newly found adulthood in our local hostelries, he needs ID and his passport has expired. So I have to find £82.50 to apply for a new one. 

And, on a far less cheery note, prepped and crammed with chemistry facts, my nervous son also attends a university interview at his institution of first choice and …it is awful. I am tempted to name and shame the establishment but, unlike the arrogant, asinine specimens who interview him, I do have a shred of integrity and professionalism, so shall refrain. Their behaviour is absolutely disgusting, laughing at my child’s answers, making cheap jibes and leaving him shell shocked and demoralised. It takes a lot of time to help him get over this … and I am also forced to blow the strict food budget on an emergency recovery take-away!

So financial ups and downs but, with a week to go, I think I might just scrape it, which is a great start to a year of saving.

Buying a nice item for the foodbank as part of my weekly shop

This one is a big tick. I love deciding what to buy each week. Plus, as I add my offerings to the crammed foodbank crate, it a gloriousreminder that there are a lot of kind folk in this world and that together our small acts do combine to make something of significance.

Running/walking at least a mile a day in January

Ughh … what a chore! I completed this challenge a few years ago and breezed through it, but looking back, that was a January in semi-lockdown, when working partially from home and having absolutely nothing to do with any evening made things a lot easier. Roll onto the busyness of 2024 and already I have given up on Wednesdays when late night meetings, grabbing food and dashing off to orchestra mean that I can’t even think about exercise until 10pm and … who wants to be lacing up their trainers at that hour?

Then there is the weather; dark and snowy. On two occasions, I narrowly avoid being run over by cars coming out of their drives without looking. On another icy evening I fall flat on my ‘posterior’ – ouch! And on slippy Saturday, grinding around the local woods with my run buddy, we are moving so slowly that she eventually starts walking and overtakes me, with a parody of the famous Harry Enfield jockey sketch , “Hello … how are you?” That run gets abandoned, as we collapse in laughter and decided tea and cake is a much better way to spend the morning.

Thank the Lord, there are only 9 more days to go

Taking part in Bloganuary

Last but by no means least. This is an utterly fabulous resolution! The daily prompt actually makes me enjoy waking up each morning, a creativity boost that even beats caffeine! (See my Bloganuary page for the full set of … pretty random thoughts!)

So, all in all, I think I am doing OK and in any case, it has all kept me so busy that I’ve scarcely had time to bemoan the misery of January this year. So here’s to resolutions…

Resolutions resolutions resolutions …

6 January 2024

Now I know that not everyone’s keen on the traditional New Year’s Resolutions but I happen to be a big fan! As a busy single mum, I actually find it quite luxurious to have 31 days out of the full 365 (this year 366!) when I routinely make time to focus on my own quests and challenges. And even more importantly, January is such a grim month that any kind of distraction is a welcome relief! So without any further ado, here I go!

  1. Saving money: I found out last year that my Eldest child cannot apply for a maintenance loan for her fifth year at Medical School, because Student Finance only provide money for 4 years of any degree. Do not get me started on the injustice of this, for students from less affluent backgrounds and the sheer ridiculous notion that this will in any way help to address the UK’s doctor shortage … or we shall be here all day. It is an unavoidable reality and so I am aiming to save £400 per month for 8 months, as my contribution to bridging the gap between the £1 000 bursary that the NHS provide for the year and the £9 000-£10 000 that students usually live on. Could be a tough one in the midst of a cost of living crisis, but I’m throwing myself in at the deep end with direct debit to a savings account and … we’ll see how I fare!
  2. Buying a nice item for the foodbank as part of my weekly shop: whenever you are feeling despondent about the state of the world, take a trip to your local supermarket! During December in particular, there were so many wonderful people in the foyer, raising money for the community and trying to make life a little bit better for everyone, that I was inspired to help in a small way too. So I started to add an extra purchase to my weekly shop and drop it into one of the food banks on the way out. And I am going to continue.
  3. Running/walking at least a mile a day in January: this one marks a determined effort to limp back to fitness after having huge problems with my knee in 2023. Exercising daily does, however, place unusually high demands on my rather limited sportswear wardrobe. When Small boy complimented me upon my ‘cool retro’ leggings yesterday, I did have to confess that they looked vintage because they actually were! I was sporting a very old pair, dug out of the drawer, that I first bought in the 1990s!
  4. Taking part in Bloganuary: at 6 days in, I am loving this one! The blogging community all respond to the same writing prompt each day throughout January, which I joined to give my writing a kickstart. It is very flexible and huge fun: sometime I write a couple of sentences, on other days I’ll write more. I have enjoyed the writing but the unexpected bonus is that I have discovered so many other great blogs along the way, such as My Tatty Sketchbook and Dan Loves Film.

And that’s me! All good so far, but I am only a week into the opening month of the year. Let’s see how I’m doing next weekend…

Going a bit greener, 2 years on …

31 December 2023

Do my eyes deceive me or do I really read something positive about climate change in this week’s news reels?

It is this headline, in the Guardian, that stops me in my tracks,

Climate scientists hail 2023 as ‘beginning of the end’ for fossil fuel era…

I scroll through the article with sceptical eyes. It has been such a grim 12 months for humanity, from conflicts and the cost of living crisis to chaotic government and what appears to be an ever-accelerating climate catastrophe, that good news is difficult to comprehend… let alone believe.

Indeed, in a year that witnessed more record-breaking temperatures, flash flooding and wild fires, a previous edition of the same newspaper reported scientists grimly heralding 2023 as a year in which ‘humanity exposed its inability to tackle climate crisis…’ And against this terrifying backdrop of visible destructive change, disappointment at the outcomes of COP 28 was so palpable that I couldn’t summons up the enthusiasm to write the annual blog about our attempts to ‘go a bit greener’ … until now!

The Guardian article is cautious and emphasises that the world is still years behind a schedule of true hope. Nonetheless, there is some optimism that “emissions from energy use may have peaked” which is an important milestone. And I don’t know about you, but I decide that I’ll take any green shoots on offer. Furthermore, I sit myself down, to take stock of our household eco-efforts this year. So come along … to the bathroom

I remain almost plastic free in the smallest room with soap for face, hands, body and hair. And to keep everything tidily in place and soap-scum free, I have discovered the fabulous Smol magnets, (these things are genius), plus a soap bag picked up at a Summer market in Edinburgh.

Fussy deodorants keeps me smelling fresh and waste packaging to a minimum. And you’ll also spot a new razor suckered to the shower wall, courtesy of my eldest daughter, who introduced the house to the wonderful world of Estrid Razors; believe me those things are built to last! The replacement blades are delivered via subscription service, so not only is it greener but also hugely convenient!

But wait, I did say ‘almost‘ plastic free! Alas, my quest to find a hair-conditioner bar is yet to meet with success and I have, for now, reverted to a plastic tub of conditioner to tame my curly locks. But, I search on!

Getting back to our home, I descend to the kitchen, where Smol is again my current company of choice, following a colleague’s recommendation. These days, I swerve the supermarket ‘household product’ aisle completely, as Smol post tabs for the dishwasher, clothes washer and cleaning sprays to my door. For me, these products do the job and managing delivery dates is so easy and flexible, that it feels like good value too.

And where better to finish than by the bin, with my recycling of ‘soft plastic’ at the local supermarket? This one was inspired last year by Jen Gale, ‘Zero waste mum’ who only puts her bin out once per year. The sustainable super star, motivated our rather more modest commitment to putting our grey bin (of non-recycling) out every 6 weeks instead of every 3. And we have managed it!

But have I made a difference? Well Smol, for one, tell me I have.

And I hope so, however small it, because, when despairing of our political leaders and energy companies, I find it helpful to switch them off, avoid the tendency to mope and moan and do something… do anything! In any case I shall carry on trying in 2024 and keep you posted but in the meantime, a very Happy New Year to all…

Could this be the best Advent Calendar in the world?

Saturday 23 December 2023

Woohoo everyone; two days until the ‘Big Day’ and what a frenzied and frantic December it has been! Three cheers to Smallboy and his French Horn, who have broken every family record for the number of Christmas concerts a person can appear but, this is the first moment of quiet I’ve found for a blog post and, before it is too late, I must write something about my Advent Calendar…

Ooh yes, just look at the jammy treats hiding behind the doors of my Christmas count-down creation!

Now; I have to confess that I’ve previously scorned the trend for lavish Advent Calendars. And spending hundreds, sometimes thousands of pounds on luxury epics from Fortnum and Mason, Liberty or Dior still seems like insanity itself and the preserve of those with ‘more money than sense’. But, speaking of preserves….

This year, my daughter sends me the ‘Bonne Maman‘ calendar and … it is fantastic! Every morning a little jar that is so delicious I find five minutes, in my usually strict no-breakfast dash for work, to indulge in a hot buttered crumpet topped with a dash of the latest jam. Strawberry, apricot, caramel, blackcurrant; it is all utterly scrumptious.

So amidst the relentlessly busy days and nights of December, I have my breakfast moments to savour. Goodness gracious, those jams are so tasty I actually look forward to getting up on the dark and chilly mornings. I also discover that racing off to work with some food in my stomach really does makes the day feel a lot better!

But if I thought the Bonne Maman bonanza couldn’t get any better, Small boy, in a creative moment of pure genius, spots that the empty jars are the perfect size for a shot of Baby Guinnes. It is a cocktail of Christmassy delight and, as my offspring all return for the Yuletide holidays, proves to be a universal household hit!

Well, this settles any dispute for me; his year I’ve definitely made it through December with the best Advent Calendar in the world!

And so, this evening, I raise a mini-jam jar of coffee liqueur and Baileys, and to one and all. Whatever your festive holidays look like this year, try to find five minutes for yourself in each day, appreciate the gifts from those who care about you, go with the flow of any teenage ‘good ideas‘ and … enjoy!

Helping your child to do well at school …

Friday 17 November 2023

‘Tis the season of …mocks exams and end of term assessments. Yikes parents- how to cope?

For the adult carers, as well as the young people, it can be an anxious time. How can we support our child’s educational journey? Do we help or do we hinder? Are there rights and wrongs? And where do we even start? Can we actually help our children to ‘do well’?

As both a parent and educator, I know that there are no easy answers, because learning is a complex picture with individual differences more common than similarities. But I am happy to share one approach I took during the high-school years.

You’ll be happy to hear that it was pretty simple. I don’t believe that anyone is ‘born clever‘, rather my fundamental mantra is that if you want your child to flourish, then your child will need to do some work. As a result, the parental challenge is encouraging your offspring to put those hours in. So in our house, I flipped ‘doing well’ on its head. Doing well became no longer about ‘smashing it with top grades’ rather it was defined as ‘giving your best’ in every situation. And so it made sense to reward effort, rather than results.

Oh to have come up with something so powerful. But I feel compelled to confess that I pinched it from a wise old pal, who told me that she pretty much ignored the attainment grades on school reports and focused instead on comments about attitude. And this is where I began. When report cards came home, even at Primary school, it was £1 for every top effort grade regardless of any other scores in the document. When the trio took music exams or school tests, if they had practised or tried hard, there was a treat on the day, before any result was issued. I stuck to the notion that if I could keep them working and trying to be the best that they could be, rather than stressing about grades and ranks, that it would serve them well; through life as well as exams.

Those more widely read on educational psychology will recognise the influence of Carol Dweck and growth mind set. I would recommend wider reading if you are interested but in summary, whilst many believe that abilities are innate and hence fixed, Dweck’s alternative concept is that success is far more likely to reflect hard work and commitment to improvement.

You don’t know what your abilities are until you make a full commitment to developing them

C. Dweck

In a similar vein, Professor Steve Peters, author of the best selling mind management book ‘The Chimp Paradox‘ promotes the idea that we should rethink our aims and goals in terms of the commitment we will give a task, rather than focusing solely on its outcome.

“Measure success in life by effort and doing your best, then it is always in your hands to succeed and be proud of yourself.”

Prof Steve Peters

Both Dweck and Peters definitely chime with me. I haven’t really looked back since our switch to rewarding effort above outcome. Furthermore it is healthy for the mind, reducing fear of failure, because if you have aimed to do your best and have done so, then you are always a success. Fabulous too for family relationships, allowing tons of opportunity for you to praise your child and boost their self esteem.

And funnily enough, by encouraging your offspring to keep trying and believing in improvement, more often than not, it also leads to some pretty specular results …

Mum, I’m in A and E!

Friday 24 November 2023

A 6am text pings into the darkness of Sunday morning,

“Mum, I’m in A &E…”

It is Prom-dress daughter.

A Saturday night out has ended with my younger daughter slipping on the wet Edinburgh cobbles and splitting her head open.

Apparently, I sprung up ready to party on!” 

she tells me later, shouting,

Whose round is it next?”

Fortunately for us all, her friends insist instead that she heads to A &E, by which time she is throwing up, blacking out, slurring her speech… and is admitted for a severe concussion.

By the time she calls me, she has been in the hospital for over 6 hours and is being ‘glued’ back together, and a few hours after that is finally allowed to leave but under strict instructions to do very little for the next week….and her matted and blood stained hair must definitely go nowhere near a shower!

It seems a good time to come home!

So I drive up to the Scottish capital and bring her back to our corner of the North West for a few days. And this, when she stops the distinctly alarming trait of suddenly falling asleep or randomly sitting down with her head between her knees with a dizzy spell, is rather lovely. Both Small Boy and I find it lots of fun to have our usual house of two suddenly swelled to three. Throw in the good fortune of a Friday off work (disaggregated CPD day for the fellow educators out there) and it becomes a  top time for us all. Who would have thought it? Maybe those who penned the wise old adage ‘every cloud has a silver lining‘.

I am happy to report that, by the end of the week, Prom-dress daughter is fully recovered, can finally wash her hair and is booking a return train to Uni land. Circumstances aside, however, it has been an unexpected treat to have her back for few days and we shall miss her as she inter-cities North….

Raising your son to be a good man…

Saturday 18 November 2023

When the perils of parenting teens bring you into the world of dating advice … eek!

Small boy has had a really nice girlfriend for several months now and they look super happy and carefree. Meanwhile, I find myself in less tranquil waters, wondering what, if any, advice I should give?

I know parents… utter nightmare terrain! Plus, if I’m honest, I’ve always had a slight worry about moments like this for my son, who has had to grow up with a shortage of male role models in our ‘house of girls’. Are my motherly words of wisdom enough, I ponder, or should I call his dad to suggest a manly heart to heart?

Well, as we are careering through the week and en-route to one of many 18th birthday parties on my boy’s busy social calendar, it transpires that he is to hear from both parents and that that between us, we have sound advice to offer…

Car journeys; for some unfathomable reason always a rich source of conversation and companionship for us. Maybe this is why, as we are navigating our way through the dark Autumnal evening, I decide to take my chance and bring up his relationship

Oh mum, not the bird and the bees talk!’,

my son laughs

Dad had that toe-curling conversation with me back in year 8!”

Phew! I’m not ashamed to admit I’m pretty relieved to be off that particular hook, so instead I continue on a different track,

Well I’m glad he did. because, when the time come, it is important to be careful. But there are other things that are probably even more important … “

And so it is that we talk of respect, kindness and taking care of our partner’s heart and their dignity through good times…and bad. I tell my son never to be a cheat, but to make a decision and finish one relationship before he starts another. I ask him to find the time to end alliances with a courageous conversation … and never by text, because everyone deserves this. Even when the message is sad or difficult, we honour others with our honesty and care.

He simply smiles and says,

Of course mum… you’ve brought me up to be a good man”

Gosh, I hope so because, even with my son’s many talents and accomplishments, if I have, it will be my proudest achievement …

A happy half term…

Sunday 29 October 2023

After a pretty terrible few weeks, half term seems like a gift from the Gods…

From literary exploits in lkley, then a catch-up with my eldest daughter on beautiful Tynemouth beach, to lunching and coffees with friends and family upon my return to the Northwest, the precious week passes by in a happy haze.

Could I also brand it as successful?

‘Well in the Expert Editor blog post ‘8 things unsuccessful people do in their free time’, failing to make time for loved ones comes in at number 4, so maybe I can. Furthermore, the same cautionary list cites ‘ignoring their health’ as the third common trait of the unsuccessful and this week I become something of a fitness fiend with daily yoga on top of gruelling arthritis exercises and lots of walking!

So good fortune is clearly in the air and, lo and behold better is to come. On Thursday night, Smallboy and I are grappling with some A level Physics revision and up to our ears in quarks, baryons and antimatter when a email notification pops onto the screen.

Oh no mum… it’s from UCAS…it says I have one decision..”

In what feels like an age, my son manages to log into his portal, and sure enough a ‘decision awaits’, He descends into talking gibberish and is clearly in a bit of a panic,

“I think this means a rejection mum, someone at college got an offer last week and she showed me her screen and I’m sure it said offer … not decision.”

But, other UCAS hopefuls take heart, because this is not the case at all. Instead we find Small boy’s first University offer and he is over the moon. Quarks are cast aside as he races off to text… everyone! And to open two celebratory beers to mark the moment,

This means if I get my grades… I am actually off to Uni”

he repeats several times, as if unable to believe that it is all real. He is excitement and relief all rolled into one.

So, that seals the deal for this half term; a happy and very successful week…

When to teach kids about money?

Tuesday 24 October 2023

Invest, save or spend? Cash or crypto? Stick to the budget.. or ‘live for the moment’? In a cost of living crisis, managing money has never seemed more bewildering. But what to teach our kids…and when?

That’s what I’m challenged to think about in the ‘Money Matters’ talk at the Ilkley Literature Festival this weekend. The engaging speakers, from the Bank of England and the Financial Times, know their stuff and breathe life into what could have been a very dry hour.

Both are passionate about having financial education on the school curricula, which I am happy to report is already in place, usually delivered during personal development lessons. And there are some terrific projects out there; at my place of work, these have been so popular that annual feedback from pupils consistently asks for more input in this area.

The growth of creative ideas to interest pupils in thinking about economics is most welcome. Rishi Sunak may think that school is the place enable teenagers to feel confident” with …. things like mortgage deals. More experienced educators however, who in previous years were tasked with dragging a room of 14 year-olds through a grim hour of ‘fixed rate’ or ‘interest only’ deals for first time buyers, would argue that this suggestion misses the most valuable of marks. If you want school children to listen… make it relevant!

And the financial gurus in Ilkey chime fervently with this. Of course, teach about saving and borrowing; with money in short supply, the temptation to ‘buy now and pay later’ is a real danger for young people. But (and it is a big BUT) do it in relation to something that pupils are interested in. As an example, the experts addressing the Ilkey gathering, tell us that, for one teacher in Wales this was Hair Extensions; Nicola Buter’s innovate lesson, addressing the complex world of finance, loans and interest, winning her the Interactive Investor Personal Finance Teacher of the Year Award.

Nicola Butler: winner of Interactive Investor Personal Finance Teacher of the Year Award 2021

A quick google search also yields a wealth of advice on financial first steps for toddlers and teenagers. Of course Martin Lewis is there. As early as 2007, his Teen Cash Class, promoted the use of key mantras when working with young people to break the ‘impulse buying cycle’. To be honest it is useful for anyone! When contemplating a spur of the moment buy, ask yourself,

Do I need it?

Can I afford it?

Can I get it cheaper somewhere else

The conclusion to this chapter is particularly thought-provoking and I’ll certainly be both internalising it … as well as sharing it with my offspring,

‘If I were able to give you back all the money you’ve ever spent buying things on impulse,
would you take the cash and hand over the stuff?’

Of course we would!

With most spending now migrating online, Lewis’ site also promotes the free guide from Internet Matters, Online money management tips to support young people.

There is guidance for younger children too, for whom finance usually means small amounts of pocket money. Barclays Bank, as one example among many, have designed a nice set of pocket money activities called ‘How to teach your child about money’

So engaging, fun and time-relevant for our children? Is that problem solved? Alas no, there is a snag! At some point, many will have to grapple with mortages, debts, pensions and bills. Some may be in a position to think of investments too. So when do we teach them about this? And, being honest, how many of us would actually feel equipped to do so?

For me, adult education is no different to that of school children; it needs to be relevant. Otherwise, finance can simply be a huge bore. So any advice is best received when it is needed. Hence, in many situations, that means after leaving school. So who do adults turn to?

Martin Lewis‘ I hear you cry, and, absolutely – the man is amazing! We could also read books and try to wade through the financial newspapers. However, can we do better than this? Many of these topics are complex and would benefit from a more interactive delivery and discussion. So here’s my question. On this most grown-up of issues, could and should FE/HE providers and employers make that contribution to our financial education?

Can companies deliver impartial training on pensions for all new employees? Should potential first time buyers be mandated to complete a free course, designed by the lenders, on managing a mortgage, looking at tips such as ‘over-payment’ to reduce the debt? How much guidance can we expect from universities about living on a student loan? How about challenging the DWP to design lessons on ‘surviving on benefits‘ or ‘escaping the poverty trap‘? And as for crypto …!

Questions questions questions! I set out in this this post to explore when to tell our kids about money matters. Isn’t the truth that in an ever-changing world, our leaders also need to think about what and when to tell all of us about this most important of areas?

Improved financial literacy cannot all be addressed with a couple more years of mathematics on the school curriculum. Additionally, some guidance would be more engaging to people now at a stage in life when the information is pertinent. Surely some well thought out work-based education be the best place for input? It could reduce financial stress, contribute to a more prosperous society … hey, we could even educate our children better. Wouldn’t that be a win for everyone?

Orange wine?

Saturday 21 October 2023

Red, white rose or …orange?

Step outside your usual comfort zone and who knows what you will discover? For me, over the last few days it was French composers, the evolution of dolphins from land-living mammals and … the titular orange wine!

My voyage of discovery begins on Thursday with a French soiree of chamber music, cheese and (very red) wine! Music, alcohol plus a generous helping of brie and camembert… quite frankly what’s not to love? And it is a terrific evening. Have I hit the jackpot with a companion who is ‘happy to drive’? It certainly is a treat to indulge in a second interval-glass of Bordeaux! Even so, the icings on this particular ‘gateau’ are the short and well-crafted talks we get about each piece of music. I learn about neo-classicism, le prix de Rome and the fact that, even in the 20th Century, some female composers still chose to write with male pen names. One such was Louise-Marie Simon (30 November 1903 – 7 March 1990), published as Claude Arrieu,

Employing a common response to the pervasive sexism that has hobbled women’s careers across
time, Louise Marie Simon adopted a pseudonym: Claude Arrieu. Although she did not hide her
use of this pen name, it smoothed the path for publication of her music and facilitated
professional advancement.

Printed in programme notes for Kansas Symphony Orchestra 2021

Rediscovering how much I enjoy gaining new knowledge bodes well, as half-term dawns and I drive over to Yorkshire to catch up with family and also to attend the Ilkley Literature Festival. This epic event is celebrating its 50th anniversary and features talks by many famous names from the world of writing, broadcasting and research. It also has a perfect setting. Ilkley is a bustling spa town crowned as the ‘best place to live in the UK’ by the Sunday Times in 2022, and I can vouch that the plethora of bars and eateries is an absolute delight.

So we mix talks with plenty of food and beer. As we emerge from the final presentation, about the physics of the deep ocean, my mind is scrambled with Humboldt currents, the politics of guano (bird poo) and the revelation (for me at any rate) that some sea-based creatures evolved from land-based hoofed mammals, and we decide that a final glass of wine is in order.

And that’s when it happens. I am asked if I want,

Red, white, rose or …orange wine?

Orange wine… orange? Maybe I’m just late to this vino-party, but who knew? I ask what it is and learn that it is white wine made with ‘skin contact‘.

“As in orange skin?”

chirps in one of my beer-ed up companions. The patient sommelier smiles as he tells us

No, the skin of the grape!

Only I am bold enough to try it and I like it … though if blindfolded, in a taste test, am not sure I’d be able to distinguish it from a regular white. Maybe I should try a few more and The Olive Magazine, is on hand to guide the fledgling orange wine supper!

All in all, a fantastic few days. Good food and drink, great company and the chance to learn (and taste) new things … my idea of perfect!