Being a mum, being a daughter…

23 November 2024

It is Smallboy’s first performance with his university orchestra and my mum decides that she want to go and listen. The only problem … the 200 miles between us.

Bless Smallboy, he does like his music but I suspect that he may have auditioned for the symphony orchestra in his first term at university mainly to keep me happy. And so, when he mentions a first concert it is a no-brainer that I shall be going to listen but for my mum… well after two years of hospitals, operations and emergency trips to A and E, it feels like a big deal.

For this trip alone, my beleaguered mama announces that she is postponing her latest procedure. A cold dread grips my heart at the prospect of managing it all. Both  my brothers voice concerns and  I lose a few nights sleep driven to distraction by the thought of everything that could go wrong.

But, a small gift from heaven is heading my way. Prom dress daughter heads south for the weekend to lend a hand, exuding her cheery ‘can do’ calm.  I take a deep breath and resolve to put my worries aside. I book a suitable hotel, pump, charge up mum’s heated cushions, and purchase tickets in accessible concert-venue seats. Then, early on Saturday morning, facing the oncoming wrath of Storm Bert, we hit the M6.

And it goes really well. Yes we arrive like drowned rats – Storm Bert is so ferocious that even 2 minutes out of the car, for a quick pit stop, and we are soaked to our very skins. Yes it is a bit of a challenge getting ubers everywhere upon arrival and balancing extra cases, bags and accessories so that mum can concentrate on herself and her walking stick. Yes the interval small-talk with ex-hub and his latest new woman is a bit stilted. But, and it is a big but, those small details aside we have a blast.

Smallboy excels himself with fun restaurants for us all to eat at, plenty of wine is quaffed, the concert is glorious and … one of my favourite moments of all: the hotel bar.

Hotel bars – did you know they were such great places? I think it is where all the fun guests convene in the late night hours. It is, without question, the spot for the ones who are ‘up for a good time’  and know how to make the most of a weekend away.  And one of our party is definitely in that category. 

Is mum tired and ready for bed as we reach the hotel post-concert … hell no!

Let’s have a quick brandy in the bar first”

is her suggestion. So we hit ‘terrace bar’ on the elevator and stroll in to an amazing atmosphere. The friendliest of bar servers offers not only to bring our cognacs over but also to ‘warm them’. One ‘quick drink’ becomes two … then three and eventually, we all stumble, a little noisily, back to our room, knowing that we shall we sleeping like logs!

Of course, I am exhausted when we finally make it home the next day, after a grim drive through the torrential rain and gloom. And know it takes mum two of three days to recove. But are there any regrets … absolutely none! And here’s why.

When I began my blog I knew that time was ticking on my home, defined by me and my ‘three teens’, and I wrote to capture and cherish those dwindling years as a full time family of four. The truth of life, however, is that time is ticking on all our relationships.

Who knows if we shall be able to manage such a trip again, Our memorable weekend is a timely reminder that it is not just as a mum but also as a daughter, that I need to make time for fun, laughter and patience with all my loved one, because too soon will come a day when such chances run out…

Autumn Half Term 2024

Friday 25 October 2024

“Half term already?” laughs one of my friends.

Already? Coping with new jobs and being very much out of my comfort zone, I can assure you that the last eight weeks have felt like eight months! What I need right now, to recharge these batteries is ..something familiar! And nothing can be a better familiar than family. So roll on a city-break reunion with my squad as we all descend upon Small boy, the newest university child, for a long weekend.

Some of us drive down and one of us flies in but by Friday evening we are all together, catching-up over some fine food and wine in a riverside eatery. And it feels great to be a four again.

Saturday, after a lazy morning and a lovely hotel breakfast, we shop a little and chat a lot. As night falls and this liveliest of cities ramps up for Halloween celebrations, we head to ‘Urban Tandoor’. Top-rated on Trust Pilot, this restaurant, is rammed and bursting with life. The Indian food is delicious and the atmosphere unbelievable – on at least two occasions, the diners all break into communal song – including us … and we love it!

On a crisp, sunny Sunday, a proud Small boy takes us on a tour of the University itself. The science buildings are beautiful, set in leafy parks and greenery and my son points out places where he sits for lunch, takes a class or attends labs. He clearly loves it!

It is also here that we come upon the bronze life-sized statue of Henrietta Lacks. Hailed as the ‘mother of modern medicine’, Lacks was a young black woman and mother  who died in 1951 of an unusually aggressive form of cervical cancer. While her disease was a tragedy for her family, for the world of medical research – and beyond that, every one of us on the planet – it was something of a miracle.

Because, in the years since her death, Lacks’s cells – taken from her tumour while she was undergoing surgery – have been responsible for some of the most important medical advances of all time. The polio vaccine, chemotherapy, cloning, gene mapping and IVF: all these health milestones, and many more, owe everything to the life, and death, of a young mother. Henrietta’s cells however were taken without her or her family’s knowledge or consent and as a result her name is also synonymous with ethical issues, eloquently expressed in the statue’s inscription

More than a cell.

To all the unrecognised Black Women who have contributed to humanity, you will never be forgotten. 

It is very inspirational. To remember that we are all actually, ‘more than a cell’ and have a contribution to make, whether this be like Small boy dreaming of a Nobel Prize or me, now old and wise enough to recognise that it is these very family bonds and deep relationships which anchor us to humanity and ensure that we are ever-remembered.

So as night falls and I hit the road back North, I definitely feel re-balanced and back in kilter. A new job, a new car, a new music gig these are all just transient superficial changes. The important stuff, your core values and closest ties…they rarely falter and will always be there to steady you at the rockiest of times …

.

Laughs, Lit and late night rehearsals..

Sunday 13 October 2024

Seriously, how did I ever manage to live life before I dropped to a 4-day week? This has been one busy weekend…

Friday night is dinner and drinks with some old colleagues and it makes me realise, a little sadly, how much less I laugh in my new place of work.

Is the job I have now easier?

Yes!

Is it less stressful?

Yes!

But, and as it turns out it is a big but,

Do I now have, bestie work buddies….?

Alas, I do not. Of course I do not, I have only been there for 7 weeks, whereas I worked for for 14 years in my previous post. And over that long stretch of time, you make some fantastic friendships. You have doors you can knock on, for a rant, a cry or…most importantly the chance to double up with laughter and shake with mirth until tears run down your face. And I don’t think I had realised how much I had missed that and how important it was to me until we arrange our meet up. We share a little wine, we eat good food, swap stories and have a great catch-up.

Saturday, I head to Ilkley and my second trip to the famous literature festival, which really is an incredible event. In the local churches and school halls of this small Yorkshire town, fine writers and many celebrity names, rub shoulders with us mere mortals to give talks about their latest publications. This years’ programme included: Jodi Picoult, Kate Atkinson, Julian Clary, Gyles Brandreth, Prue Leith, John Suchet, Carol Ann Duffy… and Teresa May!

We have tickets for a cricketing talk and Paul Sinha… yes, the guy from ‘The Chase’ and dodge the showers to grab quick coffees and rushed nachos as we hop from one location to another. Its fun, the speakers are engaging and witty and it makes for a great day out.

Sunday, I dash about doing some chores and straightening up the homestead before setting the SatNav for Preston. I have a late night rehearsal, the final one in a trilogy of madness, preparing for a concert next weekend. Three long hours, 7pm to 10pm, has been a killer on a Sunday night and, as a I eventually drive home, the windscreen wipers going nineteen to the dozen as they battle the torrential rain, it is cold and dark and I am a weary woman. But a happy one too.

After all, whats a weekend for… if not for living life to the full…

And all that Jazz …

Friday 4th October 2024

From the dreamy candlelight of the Cathedral … to a community pub in Hulme!

Autumn weekends; they have been kinda fun! Be it the liberating empty-nester effect or the fabulous change to a four-day week, something has given me a welcome boost of energy and put me in the mood the step out and soak up the city.

So when my nephew posts his band’s latest gig on Social Media, I call one of my favourite people and we set out to track it down. Thank the Lord that my companion has a great sense of directions because, left to my own devices, I am not sure that I would every have found the pub, hidden in the depths of the Science Park!

There is a quite a crowd and, having dashed into town at the end of a very busy day, only time for a couple of (very tasty) IPA before the bank strike up. Gosh, I love it, the music is ‘right up my street’, old style jazz and swing, richly orchestrated and played with oodles of heart and soul. In some numbers, there is a singer and she is just, top-drawer-amazing with terrific tone, timing and timbre. I find myself wishing my dad was still around as he would also have really enjoyed this!

Eventually, three sets later, we bid farewell and head back into the city centre for some late night food.

We are playing Band on the Wall in January’, my nephew reminds me.

Well, count us in, say I. Live music; be it classical, jazz or good old rock and roll…you just can’t beat it!

Play List for Life

Friday 20 September 2024

I hear about, National Playlist Day, on the radio this morning. It is a UK-wide online event, that celebrates the power of music for people with dementia. The event encourages people to share a song from their past on social media using the hashtag #NationalPlaylistDay. So what song(s) would we all pick? What are the tracks that instantly transport us back to a former place or time? Here are some of mine…

Panic’ by the Smiths whisks me back to the Summer of 1986 where, with two of my friends, I had discovered the Hacienda night club. Here the dress-code was free and easy, everyone danced all night and this track…well this track made the whole place go wild. Manchester seemed like the coolest city on the planet and being young and free, well that felt as if it would last forever.

Steve Wonder’s ‘Superstition’, gosh for so many reasons my favourite pop song, but one of these is certainly that it reminds me of University and the much loved cellar disco. A Monday night staple for students in our college. Do some work then simply stumble down the steps of ‘The Cellar’ for beer, a catch-up and a dance. So simple, so perfect…why is life no longer this good?

Tracey Chapman was the soundtrack to my 5 month trip around South East Asia. Something about her soulful, emotive lyrics must have suited the fruit muesli backpackers of Yogyakarta and Kuta Beach back in the late 1980s. I bought the album from a street seller while I was over there (and still have it) ‘Baby can I hold you…‘ ‘Fast car...’ , they come on the radio and I am transported back to another continent.

Proud Mary – the Tina Turner classic. This one makes me howl with laughter. The occasion, a colleague’s wedding. The laughing-until-we- cried? My dreadful dancing; swaying about in a world of my own, devoid of any rhythm or connection to either the music or anyone else on the dance floor … all immortalised for ever on a colleague’s phone video and on the leaving card they made for me.

I turn to think about family. Music and my parents – so many pieces remind me of them, but this song, by Steven Sondheim, is my favourite memory. I can still see them singing it together in the kitchen; those lyrics are just so beautiful, and the moment was just so lovely,

The sun comes up, I think about you
The coffee cup, I think about you
I want you so, it’s like I’m losing my mind
……

But I’ll finish with my children, we share countless silly songs that make me laugh out loud but my three song picks take me back to specific moments and places, that I can still picture as if I were there.

‘Your Song’ was voted the nation’s favourite Elton John hit in a recent poll. For me however, it was hearing Euan Magregor sing it in Moulin Rouge that really put it onto my radar. The year I saw this movie was 2002, the same year as my first child was born. Hearing it now reminds me of singing it to her in our lounge, as I tried to rock her to sleep, the lyrics just perfect for the arrival of such an amazing little person in our lives.

‘Fix you‘ is my tune for Prom-dress daughter and she would know why. We’d both be back in the car on a Saturday morning, after Music Centre, queuing for the car wash with me trying (and failing) for the umpteenth time to learn the harmonies in the chorus. Much laughter and, from such a ordinary moment, such joyful times.

And I finish with Smallboy. Nat King Cole was blasting from the radio in the delivery suite when he was born. ‘Let there be Love’  Its a terrific tune and when I hear it now I recall, with a smile how I, high as a kite on gas and air stood up, resembling a magnificent beached whale, to perform this number for the astonished midwife, using a mouthpiece as a microphone.

Music … truly one of life’s great gifts. Whether it’s for a future playlist when ill, or just for the sheer fun of it, take a trip down memory lane and think about the songs that you’d put on yours …

Friday 13th …

Friday 13 September 2024

The portent of doom, the omen of misfortune; what would Friday 13th bring this September? Who knew that it  would turn out to be such a good day …

Did I mention that I no longer work on Fridays? Believe me, this alone would be enough to ward off the dark clouds of gloom, but as an added bonus, as my alarm rings, sunlight streams into my bedroom; it is a glorious day,

But wait’, I hear you cry, ‘why an alarm on your day off?

Well, that would be a slightly earlier walk than usual, plus it is my turn to bring the cake. Battling through the ‘school run’ traffic I dash into ‘Miles Bakery’ and bag some carrot muffins before racing to the start of our ramble.

Such a beautiful route this morning. Late summer sunshine, stunning views across the reservoir and acre upon acre of unspoiled woodland and hillsides. To top it off, the carrot muffins are also delicious. Rich moist cake, with such a kick of ginger and spices that even I am glad of the icing, to balance those flavours out!

Back home, I do have tickets a few items off the ‘to do’ list. With all the offspring back at University, I take a deep breath, swig copious amounts of caffeine and embark on the quest of cleaning up the three abandoned bedrooms. I know, fellow parents, this if not a task for the fainthearted! The most disgusting moments, those encounters with long-discarded take-out packages lurking below beds and in the darkest corners of the chaos. The most satisfying, solving the mystery of where my parcel tape, spare phone charger and favourite cardigan have been hiding for the last few months!

Several hour later, weary but triumphant, I stagger into the shower to clean myself up! Because I am off out for the night.

First stop is the Cathedral for a ‘Candlelight Concert’. The inside of the glorious Gothic building is swathed in gentle candlelight; romantic and dreamy. The talented string quintet bring us ‘Funk on Strings’, the soulful sounds of Stevie Wonder and James Brown, the perfect match to a glass of red wine and a relaxed post-work Friday concert. As the music ends, we stroll out for food and more wine, spoiled for eatery-choice in the busy Manchester streets, as far as I am concerned, with the best-est of company.

A harbinger of doom this day may well be in folk lore and culture, but happily on this occasion, no dreaded  disasters for me. The only ‘Superstition’ being Stevie Wonder’s funkiest tune played by a string quintet. Far from unlucky, , I’d call that an almost perfect day…

The Great North Run

Sunday 8 September 2024

Does anything prepare you for the emotion of seeing your little girl running a half marathon amidst the incredible throngs of the Great North Run …

We manage the early start! After a long day yesterday dropping Smallboy off at University, Prom-dress daughter resolutely set our alarms and, posters packed, raincoats on and swigging down hasty cups of caffeine, we hit the road to Newcastle.

We manage the journey. Undaunted by M62 closures and a myriad of North East traffic diversions, my middle child skillfully navigates me to the centre of town and by noon, wristbands on we are riding the Newcastle Metro to our race spot.

We manage the crowds. The steamy carriage is rammed with spectators, all swapping tracking updates and top tips for good vantage positions. Although it looks as if we are full, to bursting, at every stop the masses somehow manage to squeeze every closer to let a few more avid race viewers join the odyssey.

We even manage a bit of lunch. Our tracking app reports a delay to the start time for ‘our runner‘, my lovely eldest child and hence, the window opens for us to eat. By chance we happen upon the best of eateries; a mall cafe just outside the Southshields Metro stop. The welcome is warm and the food and prices are amazing – £7.99 each buys us a delicious hot meal accompanied with a pot of tea and a plate of bread and butter.

Ooh – that’ll do us nicely thank you!

We manage..just about…to find a great spot to watch the runners. The rain is lashing down and it is a bracing battle, across muddy banks to our marker, one mile back from the finish. But then, gosh what a sight. Thousands of runners battling bravely along the road, all shapes and sizes, all levels of fitness, sporting countless charity T-shirts, some unbelievable costumes and manging to keep going despite the conditions. It is such an inspiring moment.

And, what we…or should I say I…do not manage is to hold it together as my daughter comes running into view. I am so overwhelmed with pride and emotion that, waving our banner like a lunatic, I actually run out into the road, teary eyed to give her a hug and a kiss – eek! (I hope I don’t slow her down too much!)

Out meeting at the end is very joyful and long after we survive the hour long wait for a Metro and I eventually drive back to the NorthWest her fundraiser page hits a whopping £1000 for the Alzheimer’s Society.

What an achievement, what a girl…what a great day…

Small boy goes to University…

Saturday 7 September 2024

Deep breaths and a spare pack of tissues for me today, for a day I have been dreading has finally dawned. Small boy is leaving home, to start his University adventures …

Of course I am incredibly proud; he is hard-working, talented and has a genuine passion for his subject. It goes without saying that, having loved my own University years, it is all that I would want for him. But golly gosh, it is going to be a wrench and, forgive the cliche but, the end of an era. For three years it has been ‘Mum and Small boy’ in this house, sharing crazy jokes, the silliest of songs, episodes of ‘Suits‘ or ‘The Office‘ , Sunday roasts and Friday takeaways. Such great memories and so much laughter… the thought of the house without him is… well it is unthinkable. Gulp; I need to get it together!

And I do, mostly. Prom-dress daughter is joining us on the road-trip South, for moral support and an extra hand with all the boxes and bags of belongings. With Windsor packed to the rafters with pots, pans, Korean noodles, gaming consoles and, or course, Geoffrey the Bear, we hit the M6. Someone’s Spotify playlist is streamed onto the car radio and, with the promise, of a breakfast stop en-route spirits are high. If only Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Changes’ hadn’t been queued, even I might have made it all the way with dry eyes. But, come on, those lyrics would break even the most resolute!

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too

Let’s hope no-one else in the car notices as I quickly brush a few tears from my cheeks.

Happily, there is not time for melancholy, as we hit the bright lights of a new student city, all buzzing with life and excitement. The challenges of parking and lugging the contents of the boot up to the 6th floor in an apartment building where the lift is ‘out of order‘ are now centre-stage. We may be red-faced and sweaty but Small boy’s room is soon looking pretty stylish and, although he is a little nervous, cheerfully greets his flat mates, who seem lovely. We have time for a quick stroll around the city and decide it is time to leave as he is sitting chatting in the kitchen with his new household, setting up a WhatsApp group and planning a night at the pub.

For Small boy, I know that the days will just get better and better, full of opportunities, stretching your brain around amazing ideas and embarking on terrific new friendships. For me, now a confirmed empty nester… it is more of an unknown. The Satnav is set for home and, as I steer Windsor into the darkness, with Prom-dress daughter now asleep by my side, it feels more like an abyss for me, than a bright new dawn.

I am sure I will adapt in time, but I realise I really was not ready for this. Round and round in my head, play the haunting  words of the great Stevie Nicks,

I’ve been afraid of changin’, ’cause I’ve built my life around you…’

Cake run 6: chocolate muffins

Friday 6 September 2024

My work patterns are a-changing this Autumn and, for September at least, I have Fridays off – what a treat! How to celebrate? Well what better than a walk on a glorious sunny morning, followed by a chocolate muffin!

It is 21 years since I last had a ‘free Friday’. Back then, Prom-dress daughter was a new-born and whilst I still wanted to balance some work with two under 2s, four days a week was quite enough. I loved it then and I am loving it today.

There are no ‘Toddler Groups’ or ‘Ballet Classes’ today but I do have company, the sun is shining and my mood is ecstatic. We hike around a beautiful reservoir, catching up on lots of news and enjoying some stunning views and countryside. It is peaceful, calm and beautiful. Away from the hustle and bustle of work, the overwhelming stress of a punishing workload, and the chaos of gridlocked commuter traffic, this feels like living!

And, of course, we have cake. Not a specialist bakery today but a ‘Tesco finest Belgian Triple Chocolate Muffin’. Do we recommend? We certainly do. Mini chocolate cakes with white, dark and milk chocolate chunks, filled with a rich gooey chocolatey sauce. The buttercream topping finishes off the indulgent, velvety experience of these post-walk delights. Truly delicious and a fitting reward for our morning exertions.

It also sets me up for a more frantic afternoon of shopping for my mum, who is really immobile these days, helping Small-boy to get packed for University and gathering up Prom-dress daughter from the train station. We all have a busy weekend ahead. Thank the Lord it will last three days instead of two!

The cake run 5: Old School Cake

Friday 23 August 2024

Some days just have a pleasing symmetry …

Old school cake

I simply could not be in higher spirits as we stride out this morning. I took the big decision, several months ago, to move on from a school I’d worked at for over a decade but agreed, as usual, to run their examination results days. Yesterday was the final one of these, GCSEs and other vocational qualifications. As the young people leave with their envelopes of grades, the wave of relief that it is now someone else’s job: to analyse the data, to communicate the conclusions to various audiences and to set the priorities for the next academic year…well it washes over me like a tsunami of joy. I feet elated, I feel giddy…I feel free!

And today, I am still on cloud nine!

Our walk is a reverse of a previous route and possibly because we have trodden these paths before (albeit with a pleasing 180 rotation) or possibly because another benefit of walking, over running, is that you have far more time to observe and enjoy your surroundings … or possibly just because I am feeling on top of the world, I take in new details that I missed the first time around. My favourite are the NORI bricks!

NORI bricks? Well here is tale the of these ‘Accrington’ celebrities. The bricks are famed for their extreme hardness, allowed by the chemical make-up of the clay gathered from the neighbouring quarry. As for the name, well that originated when the word “iron”, denoting their strength, was painted upside down on the works chimney. The resulting misapprehension led to a joke which became a widely used nickname.

So the bricks are ‘back to front’ and our walk is also, by comparison to our previous hike, end to start. It all sees to fit!

As does the cake. Today’s exercise-reward is a generous slab of ‘Old School Cake’, this retro-wonder of confectionary so named because it evokes the classic cake often served with school dinners. For me, moving on from my most significant educational role, well what could be a more perfect choice? It is also delicious. Tasty, tasty, tasty cake that I polish off in quick time. As ever, I’ll confess to scraping away the icing and, with images of the school canteen of my childhood, find myself yearning for a bit of custard instead…just not the crazy pink stuff they sometimes poured out!

So some nostalgia for the past, genuine relief to be reducing my workload and optimism for the future. A decent bit of cake, plus a fine stretch of the legs. This was a good day …