Smashing Single Parenthood

Saturday 7 September 2024

Deep breaths and a spare pack of tissues for me today, for a day I have been dreading has finally dawned. Small boy is leaving home, to start his University adventures …

Of course I am incredibly proud; he is hard-working, talented and has a genuine passion for his subject. It goes without saying that, having loved my own University years, it is all that I would want for him. But golly gosh, it is going to be a wrench and, forgive the cliche but, the end of an era. For three years it has been ‘Mum and Small boy’ in this house, sharing crazy jokes, the silliest of songs, episodes of ‘Suits‘ or ‘The Office‘ , Sunday roasts and Friday takeaways. Such great memories and so much laughter… the thought of the house without him is… well it is unthinkable. Gulp; I need to get it together!

And I do, mostly. Prom-dress daughter is joining us on the road-trip South, for moral support and an extra hand with all the boxes and bags of belongings. With Windsor packed to the rafters with pots, pans, Korean noodles, gaming consoles and, or course, Geoffrey the Bear, we hit the M6. Someone’s Spotify playlist is streamed onto the car radio and, with the promise, of a breakfast stop en-route spirits are high. If only Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Changes’ hadn’t been queued, even I might have made it all the way with dry eyes. But, come on, those lyrics would break even the most resolute!

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too

Let’s hope no-one else in the car notices as I quickly brush a few tears from my cheeks.

Happily, there is not time for melancholy, as we hit the bright lights of a new student city, all buzzing with life and excitement. The challenges of parking and lugging the contents of the boot up to the 6th floor in an apartment building where the lift is ‘out of order‘ are now centre-stage. We may be red-faced and sweaty but Small boy’s room is soon looking pretty stylish and, although he is a little nervous, cheerfully greets his flat mates, who seem lovely. We have time for a quick stroll around the city and decide it is time to leave as he is sitting chatting in the kitchen with his new household, setting up a WhatsApp group and planning a night at the pub.

For Small boy, I know that the days will just get better and better, full of opportunities, stretching your brain around amazing ideas and embarking on terrific new friendships. For me, now a confirmed empty nester… it is more of an unknown. The Satnav is set for home and, as I steer Windsor into the darkness, with Prom-dress daughter now asleep by my side, it feels more like an abyss for me, than a bright new dawn.

I am sure I will adapt in time, but I realise I really was not ready for this. Round and round in my head, play the haunting  words of the great Stevie Nicks,

‘I’ve been afraid of changin’, ’cause I’ve built my life around you…’