My fourth and final New Year Resolution was to take part in Bloganuary 2024. This means responding to the writing prompt every day during January!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 1
What are your biggest challenges?
Reflecting on 5 decades of living, of which one has been lone parenting, I’ve come to the sorry conclusion that the biggest challenge I need to overcome is ….my appalling taste in men!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 2
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
Playtime; as essential for grown-ups as it is for children!
I play my oboe, I love a good theatre play and a blissful Christmas week has seen us playing the life out of Trivial Pursuits , Articulate and other board games.
And my playtimes keep me sane, because they absorb my mind, freeing it from the stresses and grind of the everyday .They bring happiness and laughter and that, forc hardworking mum, … is priceless…
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 3
What colleges have you attended?
I attended a collegiate University and absolutely loved it. The immediate sense of community, the quality of academic and pastoral welfare, the opportunity to join college clubs, in addition to University organisations, these were all wonderful things.
None of my children have chosen this kind of HE arrangement, opting instead for the thrill of the ‘big city’ Universities. Two of them have also studied in the post-covid hangover period. What can I say…including tuition fees and maintenance loans, they’ve paid £15000 per year for the privilege and I struggle to see any comparison between the care and companionship I received and their experience.
Hey, three people does not make a reliable sample, so maybe I was just lucky…
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 4
What is the greatest gift someone could give you?
Right here and now … I’d have to say a modest lottery win. Not enough to be ‘life changing’ but sufficient to help me sleep at night!
Shall we say £200k…
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 5
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
Gosh… that is a question!
I definitely spend more time thinking about the past: happy memories, funny stories, the smile or laughter brought on by an old photo, being transported back to a previous situation by a special piece of music and so the list continues…
But why? Why not spend an equal amount of headspace on the future?
The only answer I can suggest is this. When I’m not being caught unawares by a memory from a bygone era. I am so busy dealing with the present that I don’t have time! In fact, if someone even asks me to make commitments for next week my response is usually
“Next week? My mind is so totally stretched, I can’t see beyond tomorrow!”
Is this healthy? Probably not – eek! But what to do about it?
I’m off to read (and learn) from everyone else’s responses ….
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 6
If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?
A ‘freeway billboard’… that’s an advertising display right?
So, I’m now pondering the products in life I cannot live without. And I never leave home without: anadin extra and hair straighteners! So I guess my billboard would show these items and say,
‘Make bad head and bad hair days a thing of the past, because you have far more important things to think about today …’
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 7
What could you do differently?
Taken from my list of New Resolutions for 2024…
Always buy an item for the Foodbank, as part of my weekly shop
Whenever you are feeling despondent about the state of the world, take a trip to your local supermarket! During December in particular, there were so many wonderful people in the foyer, raising money for the community and trying to make life a little bit better for everyone, that I was inspired to help in a small way too. So I started to add an extra purchase to my weekly shop and drop it into one of the food banks on the way out… and will continue.
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 8
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?
The contribution, from advances in medical science and social justice, to longevity is a remarkable and significant feature of human history.
Data (from 2018) also consistently shows a positive correlation between life expectancy and GDP with Japan 5 years ago near the top on both.
So I think societies, benefitting from increased wealth and prosperity, should value and honour the old, and not as so many do, see the ageing population as a ‘nuisance’. Maybe we can all learn from some of Japan’s super ageing stars ….
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 9
What is your mission?
My mission? Gracious me, that’s a bit of a biggie after two tough days at work!
I mean the word mission challenges me to think about life and what is the point of me being here! So I go back to a recent conversation with one of my favourite people, at a Sake Bar in Manchester. It was one of those evenings of mulling over job offers and new opportunities and, as we discussed one thought of mine, my friend said,
“You’d be perfect for that, because you like to make a difference”
And I was made up with that (even if it was inspired by Japanese liquor!) For, what greater purpose can there be in life ? So I’ll take that as my mission. Try everyday to do something that makes a difference to someone…
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 10
Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?
Jenny the teddybear! From the age of 4, that cuddly, little being was my constant companion. Gorgeous brown fur, kind button eyes and, as my Nana knitted her a new outfit every Christmas, a wardrobe to die for!
She went everywhere with me, including (fatefully as it turned out) to my parents’ caravan in North Wales, the location for all of our long school holidays.
When I say ‘all’ I am not joking! We went there so often that we had ‘caravan friends.’ One year, some kids that we knew leaped out of their van with huge toy bus to play with…and the game of ‘Teds go to America’ was born.
Jenny, along with Big Ted, Johnny (my brothers’ bears) and assorted other characters would be squashed into the vehicle and dragged around the caravan park, deposited in various ‘USA’ locations then later picked up and brought home at the end of the day.
Until the dreadful evening when Jenny could not be ‘re-found’ for her pickup. We searched high and low. We searched until the days grew dark. But eventually, with a heavy heart and a tear stained face the holiday ended and I sat stunned and silent in dad’s car as we drove back to the North West leaving Jenny behind…
Next holiday we were back again. Several months had passed and so when one of my brothers, chanced upon her, lying sodden, grimy and weatherworn below in a bush, we were all ecstatic. She’d lost an eye and torn one arm, but I didn’t care. In fact I can still recall the joy and elation. It seemed like a miracle.
We sprinted back to the van to show mum, talking nineteen to the dozen about plans to repair her, or just help her to adapt to life as a slightly damaged bear.
Well… I guess mum took one look at the sorry specimen and had other ideas. Jenny was whisked away and I was later told, very nicely, that she was now happily living in ‘Teddy Heaven’.
Of course, I had other toys, but none every really replaced Jenny in my affections. Let’s hope Teddy Heaven really was as magical as mum described it…
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 11
Come up with a crazy business idea.
A moving road!
That was my dream as a child (ha ha ha!) Pavements are unchanged but all the roads move, like conveyor belts at airports. So everyone just hops on and off if they want to go somewhere.
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 12
What snack would you eat right now?
Somebody bought Smallboy some fancy jars of jalapeños for Christmas and they are bloomin’ delicious. So, right now, I’d eat ‘anything with jalapeños’ !
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 13
Think back on your most memorable road trip
I love a road-trip! So much so that one of my favourite people actually dubs me ‘The long distance lorry driver’. And, as I sit here this morning trying to pick one out, my heart is flooded with so many great drive-along memories that I can’t keep the smile off my face.
But in most of the pictures dancing through my mind this morning are my children and laughter, belly-aching laughter and ridiculous conversations and invented characters (that later become ingrained in family folk lore) and pit-stops at Macdonalds for a cheeky drive through breakfast and singing along to the radio and ….
It’s impossible! I can’t just pick one. But I do think that, especially when it was me and just one child (taking my Eldest to University Open Days, many hospital appointments with Prom-dress daughter, adventures with Smallboy, Boris the gecko and the vet) that it brought us closer.
What is it about the road-trip? Does it say, without words, ‘I’m doing all this driving because you’re worth it’ ? Is it the routines and shared (crazy) rituals? Could it just be the simple fact that within that vehicle, when there’s sometimes just the two of you, it is the perfect moment for proper conversation?
Who can tell? A psychologist maybe and that’s not me. All I’m now thinking is…when is our next one?
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 14
In what ways do you communicate online?
At its best, WhatsApp’s my favourite: great for photos, videos, group face time and group humour.
At its worst… WhatsApp … work groups; need I say more? Eek!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 15
What was your favourite pet?
Boris the gecko; Small Boy’s final pet.
He lived happily with us for over 2 years. And although,sadly, he is no more…these are some of our memories (taken from his farewell post.)
For lots of the time, Boris was the easiest of additions to the household. Happily hunting and feeding or basking and sleeping in his variety of caves and shelters.
However, whenever anything went wrong … it was quite an adventure! And no, I am not talking about capers with the live crickets he fed on, although pursuing any nimble, high-jumping escapees around the house was certainly an experience! Nor the building of the vivarium, which, for DIY dimwits such as my son and I, was one very long evening.
Far and away, our biggest challenges came with the two or three times Boris had ailments. The nearest vet for tropical pets was at least a 40 minute drive away (far longer in rush hour) and this lead to several epic trips, battling the Manchester traffic to appointments after a long day at work.
Tense and tiring times? Absolutely … but also some of the best of times. Why? Because Small Boy and I lived this together.
My youngest child has a big heart and his capacity to hold onto slivers of hope and never give up on little Boris was fantastic. He definitely inspired me to put aside my own exhaustion and get on with doing what was needed. As for the long car journeys, although often fraught, they brought lots of fun too. Singing ridiculous Gilbert and Sullivan songs (don’t ask us to explain why), treating ourselves to fast food at Maccies drive through as we finally turned off the motorway and laughing till it hurt at some of our navigational disasters; it has all given us some fine memories and, looking back, I realise that I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
So tiny Boris, we often still think of you and thank you for the life and joy you brought to our household over the last two and a half years. Sometimes it takes someone so small to remind us to cherish what is truly important; hope, family and fighting for the people (and pets) who matter. Rest in peace little gecko…
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 16
What area of your life feels most cluttered?
The coat rack! Well the 2 sets of crammed pegs we hang our coats on to be more precise.
On the whole, I’m a pretty nifty de-clutterer. When it comes to coats however, and I hover indecisively over some raincoat or fleece that no-one has worn for 10 years, a determined little voice in my head always says,
“Always handy to have a spare.”
Or,
“You never know when you might need an extra layer.”
And the garment survives …
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 17
Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?
I go back to a bleak December in 2008, when we were living ‘down South’. It was my father’s funeral and I needed to travel north to attend. At work, year 11 mock data was also due and I had over 80 scripts to mark.
As I prepared to leave for the sad drive to the North West, weighed down with exam scripts, two colleagues arrived at my desk and gently took my bags of papers,
“We’ll mark these” said one
“You go and say goodbye to your dad properly”
It was the kindest thing. It must have taken them hours but it gave me that time to think about dad and start to grieve. I have never forgotten it.
Love; it’s something we do, not just something we say …
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 18
If you could un-invent something, what would it be?
The vegetable spiralizer!
I mean, what exactly is the point? !
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 19
What makes a good leader?
A deeply complex question; there is certainly a whole industry built around giving potential leaders training and advice.
So, this morning, I’m just going to self reflect on my attempts to lead and share 3 key lessons I’ve learned.
1) Empower staff with responsibility. As a rookie head of department, I set out trying to reduce staff work load by doing too much for the team. It didnt work. Then came an exciting project where I divvied up the research, tasks and decision-making…and they LOVED it. And I learned to motivate by delegating and letting others develop and shine
2) Think like a football manager! Teachers are very varied with different strengths and talents. So, when thinking about where to allocate them, I picture them as footballers. Such as ‘Christiano Ronaldo’: star striker, so praise them to the hilt and give them a headline grabbing group. Peter Schmeichel: safe pair of hands with match saving potential, so perfect for that tricky year 10 who could fly with the right direction….
3) Last but not least, because it could really be a mantra for life, listen with your ears!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 20
What’s your dream job?
Looking back on a terrific and varied career in Education, realise that I’m at my happiest when most challenged but left to work independently.
So my dream job? Running my own little maths school.
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 21
Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.
Rebecca (or Becky to my friends).
I really like my name, as once did the nation. In the 1990s it ranked at number 1 for girls and, even if it has now dropped into the mid 200s, I remain a fan. Rebecca is suitably serious and classy for formal occasions whilst Becky sounds more frivolous and fun. And who doesn’t need both options in life?
So well done mum …good choice!!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 22
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?
Imagine if our pets could understand how to speak in human language… Think of the conversations we could have… It would surely be a game changer!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 23
List five things you do for fun.
A list it is and I dutifully, if reluctantly, stopped at 5!
- Sing crazy songs, make idiotic videos, invent characters and other general nonsense with Smallboy
- Drink diet coke and watch ‘Quizzy Monday Hattrick’ with my Eldest child (when she is home)
- Shop toiletries and eat supermarket breakfasts with Prom-dress daughter
- Meet up with friends or family (often with wine or whisky)
- Embrace Bloganuary!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 24
Name an attraction or town close to home that you still haven’t got around to visiting.
It would be Cartmel for me, a village on the edge of the Lake District National park.
To quote ‘Explore Cumbria’
“… a pretty village with a vibrant feel. Known for its fantastic food and drink (it’s home to two Michelin starred restaurants as well as plenty more great places to eat and drink), it’s the perfect place to get a taste of Cumbria and soak up the atmosphere with a coffee or glass of wine…”
If that wasn’t temptation enough, this almost local town also has Medieval heritage, independent shops and the famous Cartmel Sticky Toffee Pudding. And, the icing on the cake, for me, The Cartmel Races! Who doesn’t love a day of sparkly wine and a few cheeky bets?
So why have I not made it yet? There is simply not one good reason. It’s on the bucket list for 2024…
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 25
What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?
Music ! 🎵
As the spawn of musical parents, it was never really an option not to play an instrument and I began oboe lessons at the age of 12. And now, I am grateful to my core, because, at times, music has been the only thing that has kept me sane and I have always fought hard to keep playing. When my marriage broke up, I managed to get to a few rehearsals by giving up (amongst many other things) a cleaner and spending the money paying for the same lovely lady to babysit instead. And those rehearsals were an absolute lifeline!
These days playing music mostly makes me feel incredibly happy. I love being part of the noise, I love feeling my soul stir, I love my mind being overtaken by melody and emotion … it’s just utterly fantastic!
It’s also a link to the past which can be sadder. Dad was a musician and sometimes, as I hear a piece of music that I can picture him conducting or playing, I still feel myself wobble. In particular, because whenever Mum went to hear him perform, Dad would always serenade her with one of its Horn solos as she entered the auditorium. I guess I am just a ‘Real Emotional Girl‘ and that makes music a perfect companion.
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 26
Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.
Family traditions; just thinking about them brings a smile to my face and a glow to my heart. They strengthen our bonds, our belonging, our brotherhood.
The faithful stop at the OK diner on the A5, when driving to my mum’s caravan. The ancient old bingo boards that feature every year at the family Christmas party (and on Zoom during lockdown). Pancakes on Christmas morning. Large garlic dip with a Domino’s order. Singing the ‘Eggus bregibus” song everytime we have Eggy bread….
The list goes on and on … so do the happy memories…
mashing single parenthood: bloganuary 27
What books do you want to read?
I read most on holiday; lounging in the sun with hours of relaxation to fill with self indulgence…
But finances have not allowed such a vacation for several years and do now I have a backlog of books, gifted by friends and family, to catch-up on.
So these are the books I want to read and I need to get started…
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 28
What would you do if you won the lottery?
What to do with a lottery win?
My inspiration would be Neil Jones. His first purchase from a £2.4m jackpot was a pool table, because he loved the game. Then, a combination of Lockdown, money and personal grit and determination allowed him to practise relentlessly until last year he was selected to represent England on the amateur team.
In short, he used it to follow his dreams and it is a phenomenal story.
So my lottery dream has always been to open a small cinema. I’d show classic and new films but make it an occasion; and an affordable one for all. My dad was a cinema manager and his stills of glamourous evening openings in the late 1960s, plus his programme notes for ‘Children’s Films’ on a Saturday morning just looked so much fun, that it planted this seed of an idea in my head.
So kids’ films with a £2 drink and snack deal; ‘The Godfather’ with a Sicilian style pre-meal; ‘Barbie’ with pink drinks…and comfy seats all round. I suppose think Everyman but at half the price
I’d be out of business within a year but…what a year it would be!!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 29
What are your favorite sports to watch and play?
My favourite watch is tennis and I would love a trip to Wimbledon one day.
To play? Gosh it’s so long since I played any sport. Like most, I do a bit of running and the odd exercise class but, grammatically anyhow, you don’t ‘play’ either of those. My last proper ‘playing’ was wing defence in the college netball squad, at the age of 21. Was that my favourite? Quite frankly, I’m too old to remember!!
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 30
What do you complain about the most?
Traffic lights!
Why are there so many. And as for traffic lights on roundabouts…just don’t get me started … grrrrr!!
If I was PM, I’d ask everyone to stay home for 2 days. Take away ALL the traffic lights and put only half of them back !
Smashing single parenthood: bloganuary 31
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
We started Bloganuary with our greatest challenges, and mine was my appalling taste in men!We finish with our greatest fear. I guess mine has to be investing time and emotion in yet another relationship.
What would it take to get me to do it? A miracle…or George Clooney!
Smashing Single Parenthood 